Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Eau de 30000

I was reading this joke last day .It goes like this. This person gets into a public transport bus and sees a

Handkerchief on one seat. So he asks the guy ,who is sitting next to it, Whatz it about and other guy tells
"oh , this seat is mine, I'd booked for my friend".
So this guy asks ," So if u put your dhoti/lungi on the top of this bus , Will the bus be yours?

Well the point is , itz all about seat. If you look back, years down to your life, you can see how much, seats have influenced in your life. I mean the position of the seat, the whereabouts of 't, the howabouts of this small space occupied.
Teachers would love to hate the back benchers, people would love to peek the front row at the cinema-theatres, the aristocrat would love to raise their wig/hat heads on the first row in an opera, the Business class people lookin’ at the economy class..
oh! itz an endless list!

Even when you do the booking for a good seat for a cinema or during a long haul flight... whatever..
But always this might not turn to be a good experience.. Maybe good is not the right word!
12 years ago I came to Amsterdam for my work and once a year I go to India, to visit my parents, friends and more to walk around with an Amsterdam University T-shirt or a T-shirt with a weed mark with Holland printed!

Actually the last were 'the' more interesting and even I plan, how to do it and where !
Living in Amsterdam was fun filled days and Once in a while my boss used to visit us from India.
Boss visiting is fun visiting.
Fun means, more booze and more food. Well we used to do the same other days also.
But this time the company pays, so itz fun!.
Even throwing up is fun. Because you are not throwing up your hardwork! , you are throwing up your company's profit! ha!

We used to discuss a lot about the emerging markets in India to the open fish markets in Amsterdam!
Anyway , Once


during one of the talk session, my boss was mentioning about the seat he got at the flight and he was explaining the comfort of his seat. He was telling this seat was near the exit door.

You know those seat where you can stretch your legs and if you are really lucky you can also see the good looking airhostess lookin at you and you look at her,(during take off and landing) thinking about a date with her!

My boss said thatz the best seat you can get, especially for a long haul , have 3 drinks and just sleep , after 9 hours , you won't feel any weariness. It will be as fresh as after a smoke after a ... you know.. ..you dirty minded rascals.. after a good dinner ;)!

But then I asked him , but since those seats are limited , it will be much in demanding and he told me a good trick.You should ask for the seat number. Just make up some story and try to get that. Don't ask specifically for the seat near the exit door. You might not get it!
I asked my boss's , the seat number. He gave me the one.
Since I have to fly in 2 weeks time to India,I was the first person among the clan to try and achieve this trophy.
(Already this seat was Trophy for us!)

So on the day of my journey,head raised, plans planned, at the Airport, I walked to the counter and there was this good looking girl behind the counter .
(Especially when you are bachelor , at airport counters, all counters , all are always good looking and when you are married they just get prettier. Don't know why. But everyone agrees with me ;)

So I walked , started with a Colgate smile ,(not showing all my teeth) , gave my ticket and passport. While she was checking my passport , I just asked her,casual tone to the highest, Can I have this seat number,(the magic number) because that number is very lucky for me . I also told that I am goin home for an important mission (wearing T-shirts , Mission #1, I thought!) and she just looked at the chart and said ,sure sir. That seat is available and looked at me. Definitely not a Mona Lisa smile.

I asked for an Aisle seat .

I took the boarding ticket and I wanted to shout. "I know how to get this seat. I know how to play the game
IATA is my family. blah blah.."
Short time later, I got into the plane , looked up and calculate and could figure out, should be the first one near the exit door. (There were more than one exit door)

So straight away walked to it , casually looked up at the number and saw completely different number!!!!!!
I was like, in midst of an atomic fusion. I was thinking , how this can be. This can't be true!

My boss or the girl behind the counter , some one really hates me. Anyway now I have to find my real seat(hoping for the next exit door) .But I knew now I have to walk back .So magic seat is history now and when I reached the number of my seat ,
The seat which I'd asked for .... I tricked for .... was the one ..The very next to the toilet! And that too I asked for the aisle seat !
(Remember those old planes where you have seat next to the toilet)
Now for the next 9 hrs I have to sit there and pray for a bottle of chloroform!
9 hrs!
Well can't sleep at all. Who will sleep near the furnace , on an Indian summer afternoon!
Well, many things I noticed!

-The first 10 minutes from the take off, everything looks smooth. The moment the sign to 'safe to remove the seat belt' flashes, it seems that there are some group of people who were holding all this time and they just want to go to the loo at a certain height from sea level!

-There are some other people who would love it when it is in turbulence.

-But once after the food and during the nap break , the rush is almost controlled. But after that , when the lights are on , for the next 30 minutes, it's like Either now or never! Lines are bigger than you actually saw at the airport counter!.

-Those 30 minutes, you think of all the documentaries about gas chambers, invention of anesthesia ,poultry farm, those garbage trucks....

-Finally there are some other people who will hold for 9 hrs and they would like to go when the plane is 
 about to land ! They just want to do on their mother land aero-space! Talking about patriotism!

Actually before leaving the plane , on the suggestion paper I want to write , why can't there be an Oxygen mask only for those special seats plus 50% off for the price for those seats plus drinks every hour plus free medic care once you are landed plus ...

Later ...
We figured it out , why I got the wrong seat !  My boss did'nt tell me and I never asked him !
The model of the plane were different!

To my boss(ex)(Arun Menon),Whom I'd enjoyed more than any other boss.. A friend .. A brother ..(& a great sense of humour) who have interviewed my first job and gave me my first job @IT and never asked me for a treat when I got my first pay check!  ;)


Ray said...

Good one Knoby , I really had a good laugh . Kushwanth Singh in making ..

SathishSastry said...

You are in the driving SEAT buurman, as always : ) Hilarious reading.
I guess they served hot pindakaas curry in the plane to add to your misery ; )

Ganesh said...

Enjoye it a lot. I read this in a cab in chennai on thw way to my room and I was laughing loudly. The driver thought I had some mental problem.

Nick The Schemer said...

Good one! Next time try asking specifically for the seats near the exit. That way you don't have to remember the aircraft type.


SG said...

Knoby, This is the best blog of yours so far!! I enjoyed reading it and had a good laugh. Like I always said,you have an amazing sense of humour :-)..Keep writing

Jayaprakash said...

Hey Knobs, After reading this I was rolling down from my seat, my colleagues stood politely and asked me Ru alright? Reading this kind of blogs is like a pill/drug will addicted to it. Keep writing

veena said...

Hi Knoby,

Very good and nicely narrated , I liked it very much, keep writing and looking forward to see more.